Thursday, November 25, 2010

sic-o, procrastination and craving a tall hot peppermint mocha

i hate feeling sick when i don't want to be. eyes roll. minds wander. eyebrows raise. i really hate it. i sometimes think that i imagine it all and act like Oedipus and create my whole scenario of the "self-fulfilling prophecy" but i just can't seem to remove the real from the unreal these days. i could be having a late quarter-life crisis right now. my body could be telling me things and showing signs but my pocket refuses to listen. the universe could be trying to tell me something. steer in a different direction. that is clear towards the path to enlightenment. but isn't nirvana when you see light at the end of the tunnel? i could be hating myself right now for what i am doing to the body that has been put to my care. people could be hating me right now for it as well. i could be just plain bored for all i know. am i in the right place? is it the right time? should i be starting what i want to start already instead of playing plants vs. zombies? god. i'm too lazy i guess. and unwilling of change. for all it's worth i know i will just end up with a tall hot peppermint mocha before the day ends and another one starts just like it did yesterday. and the day before that. a never ending cycle. vicious cycle. and it will never end. unless i choose to succumb to the magical word "change". but i'm not going to just yet. there is a tiny drop of fight left in me. need to burn up the candle on both ends i guess.
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